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oh it's a journal, i shouldn't read this

August 12, 2022

𝚝ðšĒ𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚙𝚊𝚐𝚎𝚜. 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚗𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚘𝚐𝚎𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚑 𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎 𝚋ðšĒ 𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎. 𝚓𝚘𝚜𝚒𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚘𝚗 𝚖𝚎 𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚕ðšĒ 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚎 𝚒 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚖𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚌𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚊 𝚌𝚘ðšĢðšĒ 𝚜𝚙𝚘𝚝. 𝚛𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚑𝚎ðšĒ 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑 𝚌𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚟𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚗 𝚜ðšĒ𝚗𝚌. 𝚟𝚎𝚛ðšĒ 𝚜𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚝. 𝚒 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚟𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚘. 𝚒 𝚖𝚎𝚍𝚒𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚜 𝚝𝚘 𝚠𝚑ðšĒ 𝚒'𝚖 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚋𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚐𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚙𝚘𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚜𝚝 𝚘𝚛 𝚟𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚘𝚜 𝚘𝚛 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚝𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒 𝚐𝚘𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚏 𝚋𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚜𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚌𝚑𝚎𝚎𝚜ðšĒ 𝚘𝚛 𝚌𝚘𝚛𝚗ðšĒ. 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒 𝚗𝚘𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚜 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚊𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚎𝚕𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚋𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚊𝚕 𝚟𝚒𝚘𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚌𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒𝚝 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚠𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝚊𝚠𝚊ðšĒ... 𝚒 𝚋𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚎𝚊𝚜ðšĒ 𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚏𝚎𝚎𝚕 𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚎. 𝚒 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚝ðšĒ𝚙𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚖ðšĒ 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚘𝚞𝚝. 𝚒 𝚍𝚘 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚝ðšĒ𝚙𝚗𝚐 𝚖ðšĒ 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 𝚘𝚞𝚝. 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚞𝚛𝚎𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚒𝚝 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎. 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎'𝚜 𝚊 𝚠𝚊ðšĒ 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝. 𝚖𝚊ðšĒ𝚋𝚎 𝚒 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚘 𝚒𝚝 𝚖ðšĒ 𝚠𝚊ðšĒ. 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚊 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕. 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚖𝚖𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚒𝚟𝚎. 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚕𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕𝚜. 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚖𝚎 𝚠𝚛𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚜𝚘𝚖𝚎𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚋𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚖ðšĒ𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚏. 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎'𝚜 𝚗𝚘 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚜𝚎𝚗𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚊𝚗ðšĒ 𝚘𝚏 𝚒𝚝. 𝚒 𝚍𝚘𝚗'𝚝 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚒𝚝'𝚜 𝚕𝚒𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚊𝚜 𝚊𝚗 𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚛. 𝚒'𝚖 ðšŽðšĄðšŒðš’ðšðšŽðš 𝚝𝚘 𝚐𝚎𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚐𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖𝚊𝚍𝚎 𝚝𝚘 𝚜𝚝𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚋𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚗 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚘 𝚍𝚎𝚊𝚕 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚞𝚛𝚜𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠𝚕𝚎𝚍𝚐𝚎. 𝚙𝚘𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚋𝚕ðšĒ 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚒𝚜 𝚠𝚑ðšĒ 𝚘𝚛 𝚠𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚝𝚘𝚙𝚜 𝚖𝚎: 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚗𝚘 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚖𝚎. 𝚠𝚎𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚊ðšĒ𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎ðšĒ 𝚌𝚊𝚗.. 𝚒 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚗𝚎𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚕𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚗 𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚝𝚘 ðšŽðšĄðš™ðš›ðšŽðšœðšœ 𝚒𝚝. 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚖ðšĒ𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛ðšĒ 𝚘𝚏 𝚊 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕 𝚜𝚘𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚐𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚝. 𝚖𝚊ðšĒ𝚋𝚎 𝚒'𝚕𝚕 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚊 𝚓𝚘𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚊𝚕.. 𝚖𝚊ðšĒ𝚋𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚋𝚎 𝚊 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝.